Yes, I’m in trouble.
I feel overwhelmed and over-stretched.
In the face of those feelings, Abundance flies out the window and Lack appears.
I feel that I lack support.
I feel that I lack time.
I feel that my car is lacking.
My house is lacking.
But most of all, I am lacking.
Not good enough. Fat. Ugly. Clumsy. Slow.
Empty.
And when I feel empty, my knee-jerk reaction is to attempt to fill up with food.
I’ve started stuffing my face with gourmet chocolates on a daily basis and two glasses of wine have become the norm in the evenings. Bread is once again my BFF. Convenience food is back on the menu.
But, I am no fuller.
This isn’t working. It never has. I can confidently predict that it never will.
It’s not all doom, gloom and disappearing wagons though. I’m still eating my healthy breakfasts. I’m still eating lots of fruit. I’m still eating salads for lunch most days (first lunch anyway… I seem to have more than one lunch these days). I’ve not succumbed to the cappuccinos. And I haven’t started smoking again.
I may have lost some ground there, but I haven’t lost the farm.
Hope is not gone… I just misplaced it. I know it’s around here somewhere. All I need to do is shine the light of truth and I will find it.
I am good at what I do.
I am loved and supported.
I am enough. I have enough.
Ah, there it is… Hope!
Oh Hanlie it’s too bad when chocolates are too accessible. Wine is a great wind-down at the end of a busy day so that too is understandable.
I guess what is happening is that all the major life changes from dog to job over the last few months are catching up.
You are settled into you job and the early excitement of this dream job an orgaising the systems to work more efficiently is wearing off to become everyday normal.
This will pass and you will be your usual self keeping up with the wagons. You know your weak spots and it’s just a matter of tweaking.
Just a little me time to meditate on where you are, what you’ve achieved, and the joy of the life stretching out ahead of you.
Don’t forget that while you might have been ready letting go your baby dream is HUGE.
Be kind. Put away the chocs and put a cork in the wine bottle. You’re going to be fine.
Also maybe it’s time to consider budgeting/saving for another car now that you have such a good job. Working in such an up-market place would test my ability to remain content with what I have. Watch out for that one too.
Blessings
MargieAnne recently posted..THE JOY OF BLOGS
Hanlie, I admire the way that you are able to write when you are in the middle of it all. I tend to go underground and write once the storm has passed. You are an amazing and beautiful woman and are so very capable. I am sending you lots of good vibes and a reminder that “this too shall pass.” Hope is very powerful, it can make all the difference. I saw, on FB I think, that you are reading Women, Food, and God. I just finished it this week and am looking forward to hearing your thoughts on it. I really liked it and think I will be keeping it near my bedside table for reference. I hope you have a good week ahead. xoxo
Kat recently posted..Vtrim – Positive Thinking and White Water Rafting- Oh my!
On an elemental level, can you express what would fill you up, that’s not food? What are you really hungry for? What need is not being met right now?
KCLAnderson (Karen) recently posted..Who Am I To Take That Away From You
Best of all? You are a beautiful, inspirational person. *HUGS*
KCL is right – what are you really wanting to fill up with?
well, you sound overwhelmed…maybe some balance is in order…day off maybe.
Good on you for blogging it out.Hang in there.
I just love what Karen had to say. I think if you find/know the answer – then you will be A-ok!!
You threw yourself into your new job head first and straight into the deep end. You’ve worked or are working long hours and seems you’re sacrificing your weekends and spare time to your new job currently. Is there any chance you can say NO to work encroaching on your ‘ME’ time? I think you need to find balance. Easier said than done but you can do it!!
I feel that I lack support.
Can you not get an assistant or secretary to help you out.
I feel that I lack time.
Start learning to say NO and make some ME time.
I feel that my car is lacking.
Go for something earth friendly
)
My house is lacking.
Can you not get a FT maid to help out.
But most of all, I am lacking.
Comes back to making time for YOU!!
Hang in there, be strong. Put those chocs away and well as for the wine (yikes, our wine is just so gooooooood) maybe after 1/2 glass put the cork back. Small steps…
)
Hugs
Michelle
Michelle recently posted..Time to dust off the Road Bike and Charity initiative
oh Hanlie! Two steps forward, one step back. You are still making progress, even though it doesn’t feel like it.
we learn so much about ourselves in these moments. be kind to yourself. You are an amazing, inspiring woman and we love you!
xoxoxoxxo
Cindy recently posted..Movie Time
We’re here for you, too. Support. And yes: there is always hope.
Sagan recently posted..Plea for Camera Help and a Sangria Recipe
Hang in there, Hanlie! You know you have strengths lurking beneath the fatigue and the stress. You know the things to do to nurture yourself!
Sending you good thoughts…
Cammy@TippyToeDiet recently posted..Monday Yuks
I love you, Hanlie.
Remember to breathe.
This too shall pass.
{I haven’t told you anything you don’t already know. But, sometimes seeing it in black and white helps.}
xoxo!
Earth Mother – In The Raw recently posted..Cool Off With These Sweet Treats
Oh, Hanlie. I feel and “hear” your cry for help. I am there also. You have been such an inspiration to me over the last year. You are bright, kind, compassionate, sweet, inquisitive, and a cyberspace friend.
You will pick yourself up and forge on to brighter days. I know you will, Hanlie. I wish I could meet you in person and tell you how much I admire you. I know we would be friends if we lived in the same country. Hang in there, lady.
A long time reader in Chicago
you sound weary.
I feel very weary today myself.
vickie recently posted..Appointment is tomorrow!!!
First of all..sending you a great big virtual hug all the way from London!
Secondly.. I have known you through your blogs for years and I KNOW for sure, this too, shall pass. You are a strong woman who knows exactly what she wants and where she is going. On some days yes one looses sight for a minute, the vision gets blurred, but I have no doubts that you’ll be finding your way again very very soon. You are a wonderful person and have nothing to prove to anyone.
Love
D.
Daniele recently posted..state of play
wondering how you survived the week. . .?
vickie recently posted..What I did this week
It is palpable joy to read you blog!